


To encompass the night

by 35391291



Category: Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell - Susanna Clarke
Genre: Gen, Magic, Tarot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-04
Updated: 2016-12-04
Packaged: 2018-09-06 13:14:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8752975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/35391291/pseuds/35391291
Summary: The spell says: hold no more, surge, overflow.

A story inspired by the cards that Childermass and Vinculus lay out for each other in chapter 21.





	

**Author's Note:**

> The phrases in italics are taken from [The General Book of the Tarot](http://www.sacred-texts.com/tarot/gbt/index.htm), by A.E. Thierens.

_"The language of birds is very ancient, and, like other ancient modes of speech, very elliptical: little is said, but much is meant and understood."_

\- Gilbert White: [The Natural History of Selborne.](http://www.gutenberg.org/cache/epub/1408/pg1408-images.html)

*

_But after all_  
_There are such things_  
_And these are the things_  
_Who'll turn your memories back into dreams again_  
_Oh, it's all flying and waving_  
_For you to keep trying_  
_You're so close._  
_So close._  
_All the returns_  
_One of these days,_  
_One of these days,_  
_One of these days,_  
_One of these days._

\- Rickie Lee Jones: [The Returns.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N47LTnnH0sk)

*

Vinculus has been travelling for a long time. Always walking, always tired and lonely. He doesn't understand the world, and the world doesn't understand him. It is frightening and unsettling. There has been too much sorrow, and he is ready to give up. He has been outside the story for too long, and forgotten that he is the whole meaning. Until, one day, something makes him stop, and listen.

The ravens whisper all around him, but he has lost his voice. He still doesn't know which way to go. He has done everything he needed to protect himself and survive, but now it is time to lay down his arms. The spell is inevitable, and he surrenders to it. If he is still here, then it is for a reason. He has a part to play in this story, and something to say. Small, but important. In time, he will be seen and understood. He just needs someone to find him, cut him loose, and bring him back.

Rest for a while, wait and see. That is what the spell tells him. He has to remember what he has seen, deep within. The answer may be closer than he thinks. And the crossroads in his heart says that it is time to choose. He has been hungry for too long, for something he couldn't name, and thought he didn't deserve. It is time to allow himself to change, to stop running. To belong somewhere, find himself in someone else, and let his heart be recognized. He knows that someone can help him to carry this burden now. Even if it doesn't last forever, it matters. He is not alone anymore.

The spell has told him to go out and meet the world once more, and to be enchanted by it this time. It has carried him to where he is meant to be: face to face with a mirror, a lost part of himself. The spell has brought them together with a small, intimate heartbeat. And he knows, because he keeps that meaning close to his heart, like a revelation and a sign. It is both intoxicating and humbling. An anchor and a cornerstone. An ending and a beginning. It all comes back to the notion of belonging. The words can be read now, he can create his own meaning. And that is the spell itself.

His heart is awake now, it won't be silent anymore. He will fight for this quiet, small revolution. But tenderness will be the only weapon he needs, from now on. It is time to heal, to be brave and soft, like newly born feathers, and to say what he wishes to say: _Where I am, you also may be_. Hold no more, surge, overflow. Everything feels right, exactly as it should be. The world stops moving, it has found its place.

*

The world is full of contradictions, and Childermass is one of them. His heart feels lost. Blunt, but still beating, still alive. Even if the night seems to go on forever, like a wild path of blood and scars. He feels like a stranger to himself, and he can't be brave this time. He has almost let go of everything he believes in. But he is still here, and perhaps something can be saved. Or found.

Life is uncertain, and that makes it real. It is not a bad thing anymore. He has felt unsafe and unhappy for too long. His only burden was to be himself, but there is someone to help him now. So he can be exactly who he has to be. He didn't always have a purpose, but he was never a mistake. Perhaps this wandering doesn't mean that he is lost. Sometimes, the only way to find something is to stop searching for it. And so, he might have to lose himself, in order to find himself. He might have to open his eyes, take a step over the edge, and fall. The ravens will catch him. Or, at least, break his fall. Everything, no matter how small, is a part of the spell.

The destination isn't always on firm ground. Sometimes, it is on the air. The beginning is this otherness, like a single feather. This certainty comes like lightning. He has to take the risk: gaze into the mirror and the abyss. Step into a new, extraordinary world. Shed his skin, be open to change. Be himself, be real. It hurts, but one day it will stop. And he won't have to hide anymore. He will be seen, exactly as he is. This magic is at the reach of his hand, if he is brave enough. So, why not let dreams lead him forward, for once? Perhaps he was meant to do exactly that.

This is a strange, foreign thing. A tender revolution, something quite extraordinary. _A notion as well as a miracle._ It is everything he has been searching for. He knew the meaning of fidelity before. But now, he almost wears it on his skin. It is unexpected, but not unwelcome. And there are no words to describe it, not even the ones he desperately holds on to. Everything has meaning now. He can breathe easy and stop searching. He knows the calm that comes after the storm. It is awkward and difficult, but it is there, raw and real. Love overflows where there was none before, and having too much of something is good, for once. This is not the end, but the beginning. A sort of balance, at last. He will keep this little treasure snug and safe in his pocket, for when he needs a reminder.

All is exactly as it should be. He has opened his eyes and his heart, and he knows the words. The message is right here, and he can read it. He will be brave, drink from the cup, and quench his thirst. He will look deep, look with a full heart, and the stranger within will become as close as a whisper, as perfect as a spell. And he will finally feel at peace. The exhuberance of words will fall into his hands, so he can let go and embrace the meaning. And it will feel warm, like a promise meant to be. Like a healing kiss, blown by the Northern wind. The words spell it over and over again, like a prayer: hold no more, surge, overflow. Don't despair. He is coming back, coming home.


End file.
